Communicating Through Conflict

Navigating Conflict: 6 Tips for Clear Communication

Conflict is inevitable—it’s a part of life. Whether in relationships, work, business negotiations, or with family, friends, colleagues, or strangers, we all face disagreements. Recently, I experienced a personal conflict with a professional, which was uncomfortable. But we both survived, and I learned (or perhaps re-learned) valuable lessons. As a communication coach, I help my clients navigate various interactions—presentations, interviews, high-stakes meetings, and, yes, personal and professional conflicts.

It's always harder to be the one experiencing the conflict, since emotions often cloud clarity and interfere with communication. However, being on the other side of conflict gives us an opportunity to reflect, learn, and share these lessons with others.

1. Don’t Respond When Emotionally Escalated

When emotions run high, your nervous system is likely activated. You may experience the "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn" response, which can lead to regrettable actions such as defensiveness or missed opportunities for self-advocacy.

If possible, step away to calm your nervous system. If you need to respond immediately, acknowledge the other person's message and request time to process and gather your thoughts. Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply—try the 4-7-8 technique, walk, journal, meditate, or talk to a trusted source. This helps move your brain out of a reactive state and into a clearer, more objective one. Return to the conversation when you feel centered and prepared.

2. Be Curious

Conflicts often have underlying factors that aren't immediately visible. While you don't need to understand everything, know that everyone brings their own experiences and emotions to a situation. Practicing curiosity about the other person's perspective can help soften your reaction and view things from a different angle.

Asking thoughtful questions helps you learn more about the other person’s point of view rather than simply defending your own. This approach fosters understanding, making it more productive than simply sharing your side.

3. Own Your Part (and Nothing More)

If you made a mistake, take responsibility for it. If an apology feels appropriate, offer it genuinely—don’t apologize just for the sake of appeasing the other person. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and thoughts (e.g., "I felt unheard"), which are difficult to argue with. Avoid “you” statements (e.g., "You never let me talk"), which can escalate the conflict.

Ask for what you want clearly, even if the other person disagrees.

4. Prepare and Organize

When the stakes are high, preparation is key. Do your research and arm yourself with facts. Organize your thoughts into simple, clear points. People can usually absorb 3-5 key ideas at a time, so keep your message concise to avoid overwhelming the other person, especially if they're emotionally charged.

Consider taking notes, screenshots, or recording the conversation for later reference if needed.

5. Don’t Take It Personally

Sometimes, the conflict is more about the other person’s struggles than your actions. It can be a projection of their own issues, and you just happen to be the target. Practice reminding yourself, "It's possible that it's not personal." However, if you are at fault (intentionally or not), consider how to repair the situation in a way that aligns with your values and ethics.

6. Accept Differences

Remember, the other person may have a completely different perspective. Their thoughts, emotions, and interpretations shape their reality just as yours do. While you can’t control their response, you can control your own thoughts and actions. Respect their right to feel and think as they do, while also honoring your own choices.

To Recap:

Here are 6 principles for navigating conflict with clarity, honesty, and healthy boundaries:

1. Don’t respond when emotionally escalated.

2. Be curious and ask questions.

3. Own your part and nothing more.

4. Prepare and organize.

5. Don’t take it personally.

6. Accept that the other person may feel differently.

Looking for support in enhancing your communication skills?

We offer speech-language therapy and communication coaching for individuals of all ages. Our goal is to help you find confidence and clarity in all your communication. Schedule a free consultation today to discuss your goals and learn more about our services.